this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
