After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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