tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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