why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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