Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we made out on top of his cat.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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