I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize