Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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