ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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