the new term for farting is butt boxing.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
