was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
