It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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