It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
