just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
