yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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