I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
