I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
