sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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