fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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