Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
