I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
