Are we in a gay sports bar?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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