i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
