We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think I am morally bankrupt
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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