They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
