oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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