If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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