Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize