ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She needs sedatives and a leash
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
