so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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