There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
