I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So many bounce houses so little time
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
