I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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