Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
