Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I checked into jail on foursquare
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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