i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
