Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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