I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
