i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
