your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
