wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
