We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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