I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
