I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
