Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
dude. I can hear the air.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
