OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
