There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
