I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
