I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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