well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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