he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
