he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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