She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
