we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
