using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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