champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
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Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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