if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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