my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize