no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
