i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
