i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
