we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
