Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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