Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
