At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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