Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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