hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
