i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
